Circle
Karel Bensusan
CHAPTER I – K.Y.O.
Ahmet’s Diary
Stop.. stop.. stop mom! I haven’t finished writing yet. Don’t pull my arm anymore. Anyway, I’m not eight anymore. I turned nine. Big nine. You can’t interfere with what I write. Our teacher said “diaries are private.” Only the person writing can read it. No one, but no one, can look. Besides, you wouldn’t understand jokes anyway. That’s why I wouldn’t even think of letting you read it. You don’t even laugh at Dad’s jokes. You’d laugh at this?!
Mom, you know what? Up until now, it was always him who hurt me. Now it’s my turn. But not by yelling. Silently. Mom, what did you think I was?
I’m writing in my notebook:
Hurt Klara?
Judge Klara?
Klara Elimination Operation?
I wrote it on a white note paper. KYO. The paper will circulate in class. Until Klara’s voice disappears. Let them see what the game is. Power is with me now! From Ahmet to this world.
Klara’s Diary:
We had a mutual friend. She handed me a tiny note paper. It said “KYO” on it. At first I didn’t understand. “What’s this?” I said. She told me, a bit embarrassed. “It’s like some kind of game. Klara Elimination Operation. Meaning you. I don’t know why he did it. But I wanted to tell you. I’m not in this game. I wanted to warn you too. Take care of yourself.”
Then she left. I stayed there. I don’t know how much time passed. I was thinking what to do.
The person planning this operation was my close friend. But he always acted a bit secretly anyway. Sneaky, should I say? Girls stayed away from boys, boys from girls. I didn’t stay away from you, I wasn’t afraid of your war stories. Should I have been afraid?
You used to tell me about tanks. Planes. Weapons. All of them one by one, like toys.
Now are you pointing those weapons at me?
I’m not asking why. Maybe that’s your game too.
You always take games too seriously. While other kids played ball, you lived wars in your head.
Mostly World War II. Now are you calling me to that war too? Should I take your game, your operation, seriously? Klara Elimination Operation. Heavy words. There must be a way to stop you. With as little damage as possible, I’m allergic to violence.
CHAPTER II – Solidarity
Ahmet’s Diary
The girls formed a circle in the yard.
At least 10 of them. I didn’t understand at all what they were doing.
Anyway, it wasn’t that important. I was walking to my usual royal corner, swaying.
There was a girl among them. Her name is Müge. She called out to me. Guess what she said: “Ahmet, you think you’re something but you’re a total COWARD!!” She has no right to say that to me. Plus, plus, plus, I could be many things but never a COWARD.
To be honest with you. My pride was hurt.
Yes, hurt. I walked toward Müge. She deserved it. She provoked me. I never liked her anyway. She was a spoiled girl. All the boys in class thought she liked them or something. Then Müge said again “YOU’RE A COWARD.”
I couldn’t hold back. I pushed her.
Hard.
Serves her right! She stumbled, her friend caught her at the last second.
All the girls in the circle screamed. Turns out our teacher was nearby. She heard and came over. Everyone pointed at me.
“There he is: ‘Ahmet did it!’”
This time I wouldn’t get away; I had pushed a girl. This time our teacher yelled at me: “You’re coming with me!”
My punishment: no yard during three lunch breaks. That punishment should have gone to Müge. She’s the one who said COWARD. What was I supposed to do, not defend myself?
I’m not afraid, and I’m not a COWARD.
I don’t get bored; I plan the operation too. Let them fear me.
CHAPTER III – Empowerment
Klara’s Diary
I told Damla about the note paper. The one about the operation against me. I told her to talk to Serra, Didem, Müge, and Irmak. I asked her to tell them that tomorrow after lunch, all the girls would meet in the yard and form a circle. Damla would say it was a surprise game for the girls. I gave Müge the task of provoking Ahmet. I talked to Müge privately. I told her what to do. I told Damla we could trust Müge, that I thought she’d do this well.
Müge would provoke Ahmet. Ahmet would attack Müge. The teacher would see and punish Ahmet. Ahmet would be trapped. Of course, we planned that I’d talk to the other girls too. There are four more girl friends in class. Damla was happy, she liked the plan.
The next day came. We ate lunch and 10 girls formed a circle in the yard. I was so happy. 10 of us hand in hand. They were supporting me. I said I hope my plan works. Müge had to provoke Ahmet before the teacher went far. The circle shouldn’t break. We were turning in small steps. Finally Ahmet came close. Müge didn’t wait: “You think you’re something but you’re a COWARD,” she yelled. We all got excited.
Ahmet walked toward Müge. Müge yelled again “You’re a COWARD.” Ahmet pushed Müge. We all got really scared and screamed. Irmak held Müge. Müge almost fell. It was bad. Of course, our teacher heard right away, came running. She scolded Ahmet good. Then pulled him aside. She was saying something, scolding him. Ahmet was angry too but I couldn’t hear what they said. I learned from another kid: Ahmet won’t come to the yard for three lunch breaks. So he got punished. Plan completed. We scared Ahmet. Now even if he does an operation, he’ll face 10 girls. His job is hard. See you later, diary.
Ahmet’s Diary
This punishment is so boring. It’s over, and now all the girls know about the operation. Even if I thought about the operation during the punishment, what would happen? I didn’t think. I thought about how much I hate Klara. If not now, later I’ll definitely hurt her. I can pull some girls to my side. I’ll say Klara talked bad about them. They’ll become enemies with Klara. Fun, right diary? I have a lot to do. Let me choose who to fool from now. Irmak would work, she’s naive. She’ll fall into my trap. Not just naive, stupid too. Ugh, why does it have to be so tiring? Anyway, no one has heard yet that I’m in love with Klara. The day someone hears it from someone’s mouth, she’ll see her day.
Klara’s Diary
Wow us! We did an amazing job. Imagine 10 girls together, hand in hand. Did I tell you, Ahmet looks down on girls. Is that so Ahmet? Is that so? Look what we achieved together. The circle was a great idea, right? Very, very good. We all had so much fun, all the girls. Good thing I trusted Müge.
You should have seen his face when she yelled YOU’RE A COWARD. Full of hate. As if the operation was against him. In the second term I want to become even closer friends with Müge. She cares about me, it seems. And very brave. The other girls are amazing too. All great friends.
As for Ahmet, he wasn’t going to attack me. We were close friends even. What changed, I don’t understand. When did he become so cruel? What was he going to do to me in the operation? How was he going to eliminate me? Did he have a plan? Whatever happens, we’ll have fun with him again with the girls.
Klara
Karel Bensusan
I’m 9 years old. My name is Klara.
The yard in the writing is our primary school yard.
I usually play soccer or basketball there with the boys. I’m the only girl who does that. They even call me “tomboy.” And “Speedy Gonzales.” Because I run very fast and play with boys. I didn’t understand why they called me tomboy. I told my mom about it. “Well girl, if you play soccer, they’ll call you tomboy,” she said.
My mom doesn’t understand me either. I just want to play soccer. I don’t understand why the other girls don’t play soccer. The girls don’t come to soccer, but that day when I called them to the circle, they came. If they weren’t there, Ahmet wouldn’t have gotten punished. Who knows what would have happened to me. They don’t play soccer, but thank goodness they exist!
Karel Bensusan
On a snowy December day toward the end of the 80s, I was born in Kadıköy, which I still haven’t bothered to leave. My childhood and high school years were spent immersing myself in the depths of my music and the passion of basketball. While studying psychology at Boğaziçi University, I was busy adding sociology department courses to myself. In my journey that began as a psychologist, I always had the opportunity to work with women. I worked at the Women’s Shelter in Istanbul, and with Syrian women at Doctors Without Borders in Kilis. At some point I noticed the power of touch beyond talking and turned toward massage therapy. In recent years, I spend my days doing massage therapy and enjoying Kadıköy.
Artist Workshop Process
Expressive Arts Practitioner: Aylin Vartanyan
Education Specialist, Visual Facilitator: Duygu Aşık
